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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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