Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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