Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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