I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
