I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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