Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
