And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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