peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
