you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
