People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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