Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
