dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My bed smells like the plague
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