we're blogging at a bar
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
