It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish you could order shots online.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
