areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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