the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize