the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
