if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
