ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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