I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm both gender and math confused
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
