He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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