I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
