Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
