bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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