you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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