OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
