I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
