Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I lost the right to judge tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
