please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
