does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
