what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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