He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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