i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
