So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
