i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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