I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
