So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
