you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
