I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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