Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
