is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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