All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
