I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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