What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i think i just lost a toe
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
