I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
