it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
