Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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