If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
