Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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