I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wear drunk well.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
