Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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