ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
