i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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