I wish I could punch you in the face.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
