2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
