In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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