i was rollin on her like bob the builder
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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