Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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