as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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