I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
