My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
