I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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