WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
