in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
