I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
