So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
