I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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