I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
