apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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