Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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