You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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