I'm really into asian looking animals
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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